Category Archives: Uncategorized

I lost my best friend. The pain has been excruciating. I haven’t felt grief like this since my brother died. The depth of my sorrow washed over me. I have been inconsolable. I questioned the universe, my faith, the meaning of life…my life. I immediately began to self-medicate to dull the agony in my heart.Continue reading “Rick”

Twenty days ago I had this stifling feeling in my gut. I twitched my nose at sounds and audibly groaned at things that never really bothered me. My skin prickled at my students laughing and poking fun at each other. I just wanted to yell at them to shut the hell up, but I didn’t.Continue reading “Irritable Shift to Mania”

I’ve been trying to figure out how I wanted to write this. I’m still processing it but I am compelled to share my story as I always am. I have shared my dating dilemmas with you but this goes beyond that. This was, is, a confusing experience. After meeting a man, Jeff, we became intimate.Continue reading “No Consent is Sexual Assault”

As I laid in bed, my little Yorkie, Bella, snuggled up next to me. In that moment, I was triggered back to the hours after my brother’s passing. Her tiny body and weight leaned into me and the memory washed over me. Tears welled in my eyes. And I just took a deep breath. IContinue reading “Triggered Tearful Moment”

All week I’ve been trying to think about how I wanted to write about my covid experience. I got sick last Saturday. I don’t remember anything until Wednesday beyond taking meds, drinking tea, and eating soup. It’s all a blur. I’m over the hump and recovering. Covid fucked me, not in my health, but inContinue reading “Pinky Says Goodbye to Brain”

So much for a sprint, it was definitely a marathon of writing. NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. A challenge for authors to finish their novels in the month of November with a 50K word count as a goal. You log your word count every day and monitor your progress. To stay on target youContinue reading “NaNoWriMo”

I am a cutter. I have been since I was 12 years old. I don’t know how or why I stopped, or when I finally stopped. I think it was during college. I went many years without any self-harm. But with a vengeance, it came back a few years ago and I found myself cuttingContinue reading “Covering Scars”

Twenty-eight years ago I became a mom. I was 17 years old. Homecoming was the next day. I obviously was going to miss it. My birthday was also the next day. Patrick came screaming into the world at 10:54 at night. 54 was his dad’s jersey number. We all thought that was a funny coincidence.Continue reading “Happy Birthday, Patrick #28”

24 hours is all it takes for a mood swing to take you down. Even after all this time I find it hard to take the downward shift from fifth gear to a grinding stop. I don’t know if I was riding high. I was feeling rather euphoric. I met a man. I am veryContinue reading “Sudden Swing”

Update on dating.. There has been a flurry of dates. Some good and some busts. But what I have come to see is that a chunk of these “men” are emotionally unavailable. I had a date with a guy who wasn’t a bad kisser. As we know, this is my big next step. Next conversationContinue reading “The Emotional Unavailability of Men”