Author Archives: ahiddibah

You don’t choose to have thoughts of suicide. They just come. You can just be going about your life and BAM you just have this overwhelming thought to end your life. Typically, those thoughts come more and more in a depressive state. They do, however, happen sometimes in a manic state. The thoughts can beContinue reading “Suicidal Ideations on Pause”

Doug and I have a unique relationship. We were together for eight years. I realized recently that we have now been separated for almost as long as we have been together. He has remarried and moved on in his life. I have remained single and moved on with my life. We have remained friends andContinue reading “Friendship Beyond Relationship”

I’ve written a lot about my meds. My book is Yes, I Took My Meds. I still have to figure out the balance with the meds. Recently, I went without my meds. It was a pharmacy issue. Not due to a medication noncompliance issue. They just wouldn’t fill it or they were out. I don’tContinue reading “To Med or Not to Med…”

Merry Christmas everyone. This year has been different for everyone. We all hoped we would be back to normal and be able to celebrate with our loved ones. That is not the case. My family will be split. My boys will not be able to see their grandparents and they won’t see them. The rentsContinue reading “Christmas 2020”

A dog, a klutz and a path all meet outside for some fresh air on a nice Saturday afternoon. After a fun filled day of cleaning the house, taking a nice hot shower, doing my hair, talking to long lost friends, I wanted to enjoy a beautiful winter afternoon. I took my skittish dog, Kitty,Continue reading “Slip, Pop, Crack”

It’s December and my go to mood is hypomania. It starts with a little insomnia then lots of insomnia. I am very predicable with my moods, just like I know the seasons will come, so does my mania. I am very conscious of my moods. I know can feel them coming on. Before, I wasContinue reading “Buzz, Buzz, Buzz”

It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me when I woke up at 4AM this morning. I just laid back and looked at the ceiling. Horse and zombies. WTF. It’s beginning to come to that time of year when my switch flip from cold or medium to hot and buzzy. It starts likeContinue reading “Horses and Zombies”

“Award-Winning Finalist in the Health: Psychology/Mental Health category of the 2020 Best Book Awards sponsored by American Book Fest” Award winning author. This is an amazing feeling. I have savored it for the past several days. I found out this past Friday. I called my family and friends. My mom cried with pride. I stillContinue reading “Best Book Award”

The last one flew the coop! At the age of 45 (a recently turned 45) I live in my four bedroom house all alone. This is the first time I have ever lived alone. I have always had someone with me. As a girl I lived with my moms. In college, I lived with myContinue reading “Alone”

I was grieved when it came to my brother’s death by suicide. I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I didn’t see anyone elses. My mom and stepmom seemed to deal with it in their own way. My mom had a ceremony to help her deal with it. To me, in myContinue reading “Coping with Suicide”