Author Archives: ahiddibah

Twenty days ago I had this stifling feeling in my gut. I twitched my nose at sounds and audibly groaned at things that never really bothered me. My skin prickled at my students laughing and poking fun at each other. I just wanted to yell at them to shut the hell up, but I didn’t.Continue reading “Irritable Shift to Mania”

I’ve been trying to figure out how I wanted to write this. I’m still processing it but I am compelled to share my story as I always am. I have shared my dating dilemmas with you but this goes beyond that. This was, is, a confusing experience. After meeting a man, Jeff, we became intimate.Continue reading “No Consent is Sexual Assault”

As I laid in bed, my little Yorkie, Bella, snuggled up next to me. In that moment, I was triggered back to the hours after my brother’s passing. Her tiny body and weight leaned into me and the memory washed over me. Tears welled in my eyes. And I just took a deep breath. IContinue reading “Triggered Tearful Moment”

All week I’ve been trying to think about how I wanted to write about my covid experience. I got sick last Saturday. I don’t remember anything until Wednesday beyond taking meds, drinking tea, and eating soup. It’s all a blur. I’m over the hump and recovering. Covid fucked me, not in my health, but inContinue reading “Pinky Says Goodbye to Brain”

So much for a sprint, it was definitely a marathon of writing. NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. A challenge for authors to finish their novels in the month of November with a 50K word count as a goal. You log your word count every day and monitor your progress. To stay on target youContinue reading “NaNoWriMo”

I am a cutter. I have been since I was 12 years old. I don’t know how or why I stopped, or when I finally stopped. I think it was during college. I went many years without any self-harm. But with a vengeance, it came back a few years ago and I found myself cuttingContinue reading “Covering Scars”

Twenty-eight years ago I became a mom. I was 17 years old. Homecoming was the next day. I obviously was going to miss it. My birthday was also the next day. Patrick came screaming into the world at 10:54 at night. 54 was his dad’s jersey number. We all thought that was a funny coincidence.Continue reading “Happy Birthday, Patrick #28”

24 hours is all it takes for a mood swing to take you down. Even after all this time I find it hard to take the downward shift from fifth gear to a grinding stop. I don’t know if I was riding high. I was feeling rather euphoric. I met a man. I am veryContinue reading “Sudden Swing”

Update on dating.. There has been a flurry of dates. Some good and some busts. But what I have come to see is that a chunk of these “men” are emotionally unavailable. I had a date with a guy who wasn’t a bad kisser. As we know, this is my big next step. Next conversationContinue reading “The Emotional Unavailability of Men”

I have been on multiple dates. I can’t even count. None of them are worth writing about. Some seem to want to be just texting buddies. Others just want FWB. Or as it’s called now. Fun and casual. Lol I don’t know what the dating world has in store for me but I’m just movingContinue reading “Update on the dating scene…”