I’m at the cabin spending my first day. I’m feeling my weight. I am just over the 300-pound mark at the moment but only by five pounds.
We went for a short hike 1.5 miles. Nothing too drastic. I did not break out in hives. It was good. My whole body ached. My knees hurt and my ankles hurt and my hips hurt. My hips have been hurting the most lately. I try to stretch but I know I’m not stretching very well.
In two week, I will be having weight loss surgery. For some people this may seem drastic, to others this may seem like the right move. I would prefer that you don’t judge me but support my decision.
For most of my life, I have been overweight. I struggled with being a chubby kid. My mom put me on diets and weighed me weekly. I remember I hated trying on clothes. They never fit. I remember one time breaking down in tears when my mom gave me clothes to try on and they didn’t fit. I was devastated.
This has lasted my entire life. I have gained and lost the same 100 pounds. I have never been under 200 pounds. I gained weight and lost it on diet and exercise. South Beach Diet, HGC Diet, Atkins Diet, ProBody Builders. I’ve had personal trainers. I’ve run half marathons. I’ve done kung-fu. I’ve done yoga. I have done it all. Through it all I have gained and lost the same 100 pounds and never getting under 200 pounds.
I have fasted in the mornings. I have eaten six smalls meals a day. I have had three whole meals and two snacks. I have eaten high protein low carb. I have eaten no carbs. I have done it all. I ‘ve gained and lost the same 100 pounds.
I have been frustrated by my gains and happy at my losses. When I lose, everyone cheers. When I gain, nobody says anything except maybe I need to exercise more. But as a fat person, who is now depressed about my weight, I don’t want to go to the gym. I’m embarrassed. I break out in hives when I exercise too much.
I have tried this route. I have tried this. It has not worked. I have done everything I was supposed to do. I have yo-yo dieted for my entire life to only come back to a higher weight each time. I’m tired of it.
This surgery is not a be all end all situation. It is going to take work. It is a tool to help me with the weight loss. I know that this is not going to be easy either. It’s going to suck for a while, but so did the diets I endured. All of them. I know that this will be successful.
Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and, in my corner, so far. I truly appreciate it. For those of you who do not approve, I cannot help you. This is something that I am doing for me and for my health.