My Big Feelings

I’ve always felt emotions deeper than I feel the “normal” person does. I cry more quickly. I used to be fast to anger. But mostly I have always loved with a deep passion that can either make or break a person. It can also make or break me.

Love is what’s on my mind. I have found myself spinning over a man. Deep rushing thoughts. Heart racing moments.

Passion. He says we have passion.

When we kiss. The world spins. My toes tingle. My brain sings. My belly flutters. That’s Just the kiss.

Sex is even more magnetic for me. But I know it’s all me feeling my big feelings.

I know it’s my big feelings. I have to question my mental health. Am I manic? I haven’t been taking my meds. Is it the drinking? or the partying? Staying up to late and a lack of sleep? Or all of the above?

But I go back to, I’ve always had big feelings. I feel for people. I attach to people very quickly. That’s what makes me a good teacher. A good friend. I trust too easily too. I just feel everything. The good and the bad to extremes.

Losing Tom, I have learned I don’t keep those things in. When I feel something I say it. Even to my detriment. You never know when it will be your last chance to say something. Losing Rick only enforced that.

My big feelings. Love.

I love this person and told him knowing it would never be reciprocated. I told him I never expected it to be. I told him I don’t expect anything from him. But I had to say it. Once I said. It was done. But not for him.

My unburdening left him the burden of feeling overweighed with the emotion I had been carrying and now feels pressure. I knew that was a possiblility but i did it anyway. It was unfair. Unjust.

My big feelings.

My big mouth.

So, here I’m left with more big emotions. Love. And as much as I try to avoid it a little heartache.

My big feelings.