At age 48, I can imagine your grey hair at the sides of your hair brushed back in silver streaks. Mine looks much the same. You already had a few grey hairs. Now I see it grown in. I can’t imagine your hair has thinned. I imagine it is still thick and full just turned color with time.
Your face has a few wrinkles. Your eyes have crinkles from the constant laughing. You have smile lines but also lines in you brown from the constant concentration you do when you take life too serious and worry. But to me we have aged together.
I’m thinner than you now, with my 100 pound weight loss. It inspires you to become a bit more fit. We start going for walks together. You have been my constant cheerleader through all of this. You took me out to buy my first size large nerdy t-shirt.
You love my new obsession with my knee high socks and order me more to add to my collection. You even buy yourself some.
Through quarantine, we got together and watched movies. You loved the Mandalorian, especially the last episode of the second season. You school me on The Clone Wars and we begin to watch them from the beginning with you as my guide.
We saw Wonder Woman 84 and both agreed it was not as good as the previous movie. It had it’s moments but you didn’t care because Gal Gadot was hot and you’d watch her do anything with a lasso.
My book was published and you were supportive even though it divulged secrets we shared. You were okay with it as long as it healed my heart. You were proud it won an award. That made me feel even more proud. You encourage me to tell my story so it would help others.
I miss you brother and have only shed a few tears thinking of the day we would have spent together. Due to this crazy world of covid, I can’t celebrate you like I normally would have. I am going to spend it with the boys and Samantha. We are going to have Thai food, watch Firefly and have a little chocolate cake in your honor.
I also bought your tshirt this year. It is a Firefly shirt with Mal, Zoe and Jane that says “Big damn heroes. Ain’t we just?” I also bought earrings of the dinosaurs Wash plays with “Curse your sudden but inventible betrayal.”
I think of you today and the things we could have done, even in these conditions, we wouldn’t have been able to do much. We might be doing just what we are doing tonight with the kids.
I love you. I will pick up the phone and try to call you again soon. Know you are in my heart, on my mind and in my soul always.
Happy birthday brother and best friend.