Friendship Beyond Relationship

Doug and I have a unique relationship. We were together for eight years. I realized recently that we have now been separated for almost as long as we have been together.

He has remarried and moved on in his life. I have remained single and moved on with my life. We have remained friends and chat from time to time. Today was one of those days.

It started with a random text from me to see if he wanted a dresser I’m getting rid of. I know he collects random furniture. He’s typically a pack rat of sorts and I used to help him when we split to pick up assorted furniture from places. He was the first person I thought of when I needed to get rid of it. The text started a conversation.

We moved into how each other had been doing. We checked in with each other. He had not been doing so great with his health. I had been concerned but he is doing great now. I shared my weight loss progress with him and he informed me that I weigh the same as he does. That has never happened before and I felt like that was a great milestone.

We continued to chat about his remodel of his kitchen and share pictures of the remodel. I asked him why he hadn’t been so fucking industrious while he lived here and he responded that he never felt it would have been appreciated. I felt terrible. I told him I was sorry that he didn’t feel appreciated.

He told me that we were both fighting our demons. I agreed with him.

I told him that we have both grown over the years.

He told me that we were better people for it.

I told him it was the best eight years of my life even with the shitty stuff mixed in.

I told him that after all these years of knowing each other that I was glad that we were friends. I truly am glad that we are friends. I can’t imagine my life without the random message from him even though most of them are about business or birthdays or holidays.

There is still this connection of friendship that is tied to him.

He sent me a picture of our last time in the snow. It was the weekend I was release from hospital after a manic episode. It was the year we split. We went to the cabin and got stuck in the snow. He still has his pictures on his phone. I deleted my history with him. He kept his. I think that’s interesting.

It may be different but I feel so grateful today for that conversation, it made me smile and cry a bit. Love looped in a different way, rethreaded through a healed heart for a person that broke mine many years ago.

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