Alone

The last one flew the coop! At the age of 45 (a recently turned 45) I live in my four bedroom house all alone. This is the first time I have ever lived alone.

I have always had someone with me. As a girl I lived with my moms. In college, I lived with my son Patrick. My first job as a teacher, I was again living with my parents, my soon to be husband and both Jesse and Patrick.

When I divorced, I was again with my parents and kids. Meeting Doug and his brood, we cohabitated for eight years. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him. Then that wasn’t in the cards.

My oldest son left home, came back, left and came back. He’s now been gone for two years.

I am not the overly sentimental mom who feels like an empty nester. I already have plans for Jesse’s room. I have plans for all my rooms.

Not to say that each time each boy told me they were leaving I didn’t cry. It was a short sniffle of a cry. Then it was over. I felt good about making them independent.

I’m happy my kids are strong willed and independent. I’ve strived my whole motherhood to make them that way. I hope it comes across.

I did feel a little put out that Jesse took all the spices and pots and pans in the kitchen. Made me laugh. I did tell him he could take them, but I wanted him to leave me one for my eggs. Now I’ve got to buy a whole new set. It’s all good. I’m glad he has them on his new journey.

As he was moving out yesterday, I made him stop for a second and have some mountain smoke. We sat for just a few moments in stillness, blessing ourselves with the smoke. Saying blessing for his move. Me praying it will work out and he can stay in his new home.

The only thing that shocked me was that he wanted to take the dog Kitty. Kitty has been my dog as much as his. Technically, Kitty is HIS dog. I bought her for him. But that hasn’t stopped me from taking to her as my own.

Jesse can move out but he can’t have the dog!

I guess I will have to concede if he does get to bring her. Kitty was my present to him. I love them both, but I’d rather keep the dog.