Missing Meds

I am very careful about missing my meds. Even when I had surgery, I was able to get back on my meds within 24 hours. I made sure that was going to be a thing that could happen. It was a deciding factor in my decision to have the surgery.

I had my appointment with my psychiatrist Thursday. She refilled all my meds. I went down in my anxiety meds. We talked about all my other meds. We agreed to keep them all the same.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I was missing the 1mg of Resperidal. I called her office and before the end of the day they called me back and said they called the pharmacy and put the order in. They apologized and that was that.

Yesterday, I went to pick up the script. It wasn’t there. Nothing had been called in. I’m out of the 1mg. I am slightly anxious as I don’t want to be off my meds for two days or longer. I don’t want to adjust to meds again. I don’t want to have a flux in my mood. I’m irritated that there is a problem with my meds. I’m pissed the doctor got it wrong and I don’t know if it is the doctor or the pharmacy.

Now, I honestly don’t know if two days is going to make a huge difference with only 1mg. I know that after two days, 1mg made an improvement in my mood. Will it change my mood if I don’t take it? That is what I’m concerned about.

I’m already still on the brink of moodiness with mania even with the uptick in the rescue meds of the 1mg. I still have a lack of concentration and focus. I hate being like Doug the Dog from Up. “Squirrel!” But that is my attention span.

The rocky shore of mental health is real. My reality of medication and treatment is dependent upon my doctors. My new doctor is letting me down. I don’t know if it is the fact we are doing everything through zoom or if it is just her way. I don’t know her well enough to figure it out yet.

I am anxious but trying to stay calm through the next few days to figure it out. I am also trying not to place blame on anyone, even though I did above. I know mistakes happen. It is frustrating when those mistakes happen and it impairs my ability to be well. It can be disastrous. It seems unfair. But life is unfair and we just have to deal with it. I can deal with it.

I will wait until Monday. Call the doctor. Call the pharmacy. Pick up my script and call it a day. All will be well. If there is an adjustment. I will deal with it. If there is a mood climb. I will deal with it. I am strong. I know myself. I can handle a slight adjustment. As Bartleby the Scrivener says, “I would prefer not to.”

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