You just never know what’s going on inside your brain. I write about how I try to know myself and schedule myself pretty well. I plan and plan and take me meds. I try to get good sleep. What happens when one cog falls out of the machine?
In previous posts, I have noted that I feel I am hypomanic, that mania is on the rise. I am trying to combat it. It has not been to detrimental. It had not been interfering with my sleep just with my concentration.
I have spoken about my lack of focus. I started a book a month ago. It’s still sitting on my ottoman, page marked open to be read. I’ll have to start over because I can only recall small details of what I read.
I have been able to do small tasks for work because they are small tasks with a beginning and end. They are organizing with is fun in my manic mind.
This week, however, my sleep has been impacted. Last night I slept about a total of three hours. I did what I say I do. I did not get out of bed. I tossed and turned and tried to rest. I kept turning the TV back on. For some reason The Big Bang Theory wouldn’t play right so that frustrated me. I finally got it working. More irritation. Then tried to rest some more.
It wasn’t the first night I had restless sleep. This is now the third night this week that I’ve had less than six hours of sleep. My chart is going up and down. The nights that I have slept longer than six hours have been intermittent sleep. They haven’t been solid sleep. It will be five hours then up for thirty minutes, asleep for four hours.
I say all this because its a warning sign. Changes in habits, people and surroundings can change your mood. When we first went into self-isolation I needed a bump in meds. I couldn’t handle it. My mood climbed within a week. I bumped and I came down a bit. But a slight shimmer.
Now, I have two more traits to tally up. Lack of focus and lack of sleep and feeling of energy. I know it’s the onset of publishing the book. A life changing event for me. It was just a rush of emotions. It’s the only thing appearing in my timeline to suggest a change in my disposition.
I am happy I have a doctor’s appointment in a week and a half. I will go in armed with my eMoods chart and my reflective behavior to talk about.
I just hope in the meantime, I can keep a low simmer on my mood. The more I don’t sleep, the more the mood will climb, the more things will get out of focus, the more things will start to buzz. One thing leads to the other and BAM, my brain will rapid fire like a hummingbird’s wings.
I’m off to take a pill.