Money troubles

June 10, 2019

I’ve always paid my bills on time. I’ve always been good about paying my bills period. I’ve gotten in over my head on credit cards a couple of times in my life. Doug was the money guy. He always figured a way to make things happen. I just always trusted in him to make money things happen. He was the one who made me buying a house happen.

When Doug left, I didn’t know which way was what with my bills. He always just made things happen. I didn’t know how much money I had to pay what. He took care of all the heavy duty bills and I paid the little bills. All of a sudden, I was responsible for the mortgage, power, car payment and insurance. It was kinds shitty that he left me with all the bills. He did kinda give me alimony for a few months while I figured it out but it he did really just leave me to figure it out. And I did. He said I had enough money to pay my bills, I just needed to figure it out. So, I figured it out.

I did have enough money to pay my bills, I just didn’t have enough money to pay my bills and do anything fun or eat out. I didn’t have money to by fun things at Target or go clothes shopping just to do it. That’s where the new credit card debt came into play.

For the past 5 years, that Doug and I have been separated, I’ve figured it out. This year has been the hardest. I didn’t get a prep buy out and not having that money this year has really put a damper on any bonus fun money. It made paying bills really tight. Plus, last summer, I maxed out my credit card so I could have a fun summer. I got my bill paying system down to a science. I know what needs to be paid and when and how much money I have left over. It is usually only about $100 after all bills are paid.

Doug has talked to me about refinancing the house and cashing out some money to get the house fixed and paying off my bills. The thought of doing any of this terrifies me. I don’t understand how any of this works. Doug gets this. As my ex, he is extremely helpful and also understands that this shit makes my eyes glaze over and I get absolutely fucking stupid for a smart person. I need to be spoken to in single syllable words and with graphs and charts. I just don’t get anything about the housing market, finances and interest rates.

I also must say, that as an ex, he has absolutely no fucking obligation to help me whatsoever and does so on a regular basis. He is a good man.

A few weeks ago, he asked me to send him my credit score, my bills, my mortgage statement and my income. Next thing I know, I’m getting calls from loan services.


I don’t know what to ask or what to say. So, I started a google doc and wrote down key words and phrases. I still don’t know what it all means. 20 years, 15 years, 4% interest, refi, equity, etc. It would be like me teaching math. I don’t get it. But I jumped out of my comfort zone and called the lady back.

Pretty soon, I was talking to a nice lady at Quicken Loans. I told her I was a novice and had no idea what I was doing. All of this was going to have to go through my ex after I spoke with her. She didn’t have a problem with that. We discussed what Doug proposed and what she would be able to do. I told her what I needed to do. She told me what she thought I might need to do. Turns out she is a smart lady.

She hung up with me and started crunching numbers. While she crunched numbers, I crunched numbers. I looked at my debt. I have a debt of credit cards and home improvement shit of about $25,000. That’s a rough estimate. Then I have my student loan of about $25,000.

Getting back on the phone with the lady, she suggested I pay off the student loan and the rest of my debt and do the home improvements. She spoke with Doug, who interceded on my behalf and talked about the loan and interest rates and other stuff, I don’t understand.

As it stands now, I may be refinancing my loan to 18 years. Getting about $40,000 in cash to pay off debt and do home improvements. I do have to have somebody do a something assessment? Evaluation? Whatever the fuck its called… for them to do the loan but they will do it.

So, big step for me today in the world of finance. Taking a risk in a world where I’m completely uncomfortable. I don’t know anything about any of this. I am trusting my ex to make all the decisions for me in regards to my future about my finances and that may be a little troubling if he were a bad guy but I trust him.

Now, to wait on the final phone call…

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