Author Archives: ahiddibah

The dr said she has 24-48 hrs left. Age texted me.   My Aunt Angie who had recently recovered was now in hospice waiting out her final hours. The alcoholism that she lived with for so long was now ending her life. The cirrhosis was ending her life. Her body was slowly shutting down. SheContinue reading “Aunt Angie”

This is the first Christmas I was not manic. I was manic prior to the holiday. Weeks before, I was flying high. I wasn’t sleeping. I was working early on the book. I bought a MasterClass pass to take online writing classes. I was taking online classes with Neil Gaiman and learning the piano atContinue reading “Medicated Christmas”

Today I woke up in an empty house. No pitter-patter of little children. No cries to open presents. It’s been a long time since that has happened. My children are adults living their lives. Neither one was home with me this Christmas Eve and I woke up alone Christmas Day with only the fur babiesContinue reading “Christmas By My Lonesome”

Thanksgiving. A day that in the United States commemorates the feast of the Pilgrims and the Indians sitting down to a feast of thanks and giving, or so we were taught. Thanksgiving has another meaning to many Natives. For some, it is a time of mourning, for some, it is a time of reflection, forContinue reading “Harvest Feast”

I fucked up. I fucked up big time in my world. I forgot to take one of my medications. I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel well. I felt like I was getting sick. I just felt a general malaise. I couldn’t quite put it together. I had a bit of a headache. IContinue reading “Oops”

Trauma September 16, 2019   My trauma is a melting pot of feelings that a stew together. The initial trauma was the sexual abuse as a child. I carried that for a long time. I don’t feel like I carry that with me. Maybe deep down there is a small wound. I feel like thatContinue reading “Trauma”

  I had another swing recently. I think it was due to the med increase. This time it was a depressive episode with self-harm. It was a short episode but it was intense. I had upped the Topamax to 200mg. I had been slowly increasing the dosage. When I first bumped the dosage, I feltContinue reading “Depression Dive”

  I was always an easy target for my brother. He loved to make me cry. My mom would always ask me why I would let him rile me up like that. Why did I let him get to me? No matter what I did, he always found a way to get to me. HeContinue reading “A Sister’s Revenge”

July 28, 2019 Working with parents is one of the jobs teachers have a love/hate relationship with. You can have a good or bad relationship with parents. There are a lot of variables that can make a good or bad situation with parents. I have parents that I have developed long-lasting friendships with long afterContinue reading “The Good and Bad Parents in Teaching”

July 27, 2019 In the wake of having a manic episode and coming out of a manic episode. I saw the psychiatrist. Keeping tabs on my behavior and communicating this to my doctor is key in keeping healthy. This summer manic episode seems to be a cycle. I had an episode last summer and forContinue reading “Medication Management”