A lot has happened since my unexpected visitor. We had several weeks of fun. In fact the last week was the most amazing week I thought I’d end on a high note.
After a weekend of partying. North Carolina and I went to sleep. He snored for several more hours. Only to wake to feed the furnace and pass out.
I however woke up with a heart of ice. I can’t explain it. J just felt done. And after the most amazing weekend. Why not end in a high note?!
I let it sit a few days. We don’t talk during the week. I just flat out texted him to not contact me and then blocked him cutting off all possible conversation.
I know if he really wants to reach me. He has my email. I honestly don’t know if it’s just a shift in the bipolar of me really feeling like being an ice queen.
I feel nothing right now toward my former paramour. Patrick says it’s only a matter of time. But I don’t think he knows this feeling yet.
The definite. The fulfilled. The love of yourself. No man needed. There are toys for that. Lol
I’m working through the idea of a man I loved and said he loved me at some point. This is all just a game. NC loves it. I was very happy with the idea that NC wanted just me but it wasn’t to be so.
So here I am. Making confessions at night. I want nothing to do with NC. I want to write and draw. I be more creative. Get though the school year and not kill anyone or go apeshit. Small goals.
Work has been so bad that I had a lot of anxiety and had to leave. State testing in the gen Ed setting was too much for this sped teacher. The phrase of the day “I can’t” “I just can’t “
Life is full of surprises. We will see what the days ahead hold.