This is it. I’m waiting on the graphics and the book should be published soon. My deadline I had in my head was May 1st. It may actually come true.
This book is a work that took almost a year to come to fruition. It started off in pieces, while I was in pieces coming to grips with my re-entry to the bipolar world. I tried to make sense of my diagnosis through writing about my thoughts and feelings.
The more I wrote, the more I wanted to dive into more about myself. This book is a look at the inner workings of my bipolar mind. Not all bipolar people function the same. This is how I function. We are all different. That’s why this illness is difficult to treat. We all respond differently to different treatments.
I had a massive panic attack yesterday. I have kept my calm for the most part in this quarantine. I got a little manic but I adjusted my meds and came back down. I’m still running a bit manicky. But anyway… I had to get a new psychiatrist in all this madness of COVID-19.
I kept my cool and did not panic for the six weeks prior to the appointment. Thirty minutes before the appointment as I was driving in my truck, the panic hit me. I started bawling and shaking while driving down the freeway. My mind could not grasp that I would not be seeing Dr. P again. All the trust we had built over the past three years was gone. I was heartbroken, still am, but it hit me hard.
It wasn’t just panic, but also grief. I felt all this emotion. I couldn’t stop crying. I cried and my nose was running. I made it to the new doctor’s office and dried my tears.
I met the doctor and all my fears were alleviated. She studied under my doctor. She was wonderful. She is going to follow my previous treatment plan. She isn’t going to change my meds. All is good. I am good.
So now, I’m just waiting for the graphics for the book, which I should have by the end of the day. Hopefully, I can meet my imaginary deadline.