Happy 40th birthday brother!

Dear brother,

I can’t believe you would be 40 tomorrow. I am 37 this year and find it hard to believe that in October my physical body will be older than you. I didn’t feel that when I turned 37 but oddly enough I feel it as I see the age you should have been.
I know I said I would watch over Emma. I think abut her all the time. I see beautiful girl clothes and I want to buy them for her. I buy Christmas present and birthday presents for her. They are both still here. Mom hasn’t seen here either. Gretchen is always busy. I saw a picture of her. She is beautiful and strong just like her name.  I send her my thoughts every day. I see her smile in my mind and it brings me peace.
I try to live my life without the sadness and heaviness that you felt in your life. I try to live my life so I can help my soul reach a higher level. I try to pray for you so your soul lifts with mine. Thank you for coming to me while I meditate. I love seeing you happy. I love hearing your laughter. Sometimes, it is hard to remember your deep bellowing laughter.
I think that’s one of the hardest things to accept after death.  Not hearing your voice has been a challenge. Your laughter always made me smile. It still does when I hear you laugh in my dreams. I am sometimes sad when I wake to remember you aren’t here.
Last year, we went to Olive Garden for your birthday. I know how much you love a party. I thought I would skip the party this year but I think you may get a party after all. Today, I felt extremely sad. I think having a celebration for you has helped me cope. I was so busy that I thought I’d skip it. But my emotions reminded me that I need to honor your memory or at least eat for you. We will probably go out and eat again.
The sadness that swept over me today blew through me like the wind sweeps the valley. It rattled my insides and has left me empty. I know when I wake up tomorrow you will still be gone but I will choose to be happy. I will choose to smile and remember you with love and light not shadows and darkness.
I will remember that you are still with me. You are a part of me. You and I are connected through this life, our past life and our next life. I love you and I will continue to pray that your soul rises. I will see talk to you soon.
I love you.
Your sister,
Bah

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