ahiddibah

A Monk and a Sped Teacher Don’t Walk Into a Bar

The second day back to school I was served a notice of an investigatory meeting. I was to answer for not following a students behavior intervention plan or BIP. I knew something was up but didn’t think THAT was it. I had been asked before winter break to provide data and it was not theContinue reading “A Monk and a Sped Teacher Don’t Walk Into a Bar”

Airing my laundry

Many of my family and friends have had the same look of worry the look of worry they get when I have an episode. This episode was of my own making. After Rick died. My best friend I crawled into a vodka bottle and didn’t crawl out. Just dove deeper and deeper through the endlessContinue reading “Airing my laundry”

Update on Teaching SEC or STAR

I’ve been in this program since August. The first week was interesting. I’ll write about that another time. But what I want to write about is the hardship that comes with a self contained classroom. When I took this position, they told me. Do what you need to do, just try not to call usContinue reading “Update on Teaching SEC or STAR”

Wtf Tom

Dear Tom, Been awhile brother. Haven’t sent you a a Hail Mary pass in a long time. I fucking miss you so much. So much is happening. Dad is succumbing to his illness. I don’t know how much time he has. They won’t talk to me. I found out through the Navajo phone tree thatContinue reading “Wtf Tom”

Teaching SEC

I started a new program after almost 20 years of teaching in special education. I had been a resource teacher, teaching children primarily with learning disabilities. Our profession allows us to enter into all aspects of the spectrum. My colleague, and friend Michelle used to run our severely emotional challenged (SEC) program. She was aContinue reading “Teaching SEC”

Hey Brain

I found myself in an interesting place this school year. I am you. It’s a little freaky. But I hope I have what it takes. Your memory in this hallway haunts me. I feel like my heart is being ripped out when I walk by your room that’s not your room. Because you had toContinue reading “Hey Brain”

Almost…

It’s always the days sneaking up to the time that are trickiest. It’s been almost a year without you and a knife in the heart every Saturday when my google meet reminds me to open the meet. Sometimes I’m up at midnight and I log in and just sit there. I sit there staring atContinue reading “Almost…”

Weirdest shit ever!!!

So pseudo boyfriend is def over. He is completely psycho. Completely. We had a wild ride. Cool. Just chillin over the weekend. Me. Him. My boy. My almost 30 year old boy. It was all worldly. By the end of the weekend he disappeared while I slept. I woke up as soon as he left.Continue reading “Weirdest shit ever!!!”

Fluidity of Emotions

So I have a pseudo boyfriend. We see each other but aren’t dating so to speak. My kids and friends all call him my boyfriend and I’m quick to correct them that he’s not my boyfriend. We just have this continuous weekend fling that’s been going on for over a year with some messy dramaContinue reading “Fluidity of Emotions”

Which is what?!

I guess if we could answer that question to a variety of symptoms we could be fucking millionaires. But in this instance I’m referring to me and my bipolar. The million dollar question is how much of me is the bipolar?! And how much of the bipolar isn’t me?! What is illness?! What is myContinue reading “Which is what?!”