Finding the Path to Passion

I was excited to teach STAR this year. A new position at my old school. I felt like a baby teacher. I had no clue what to do.

I had been told. Do what you want as long as we don’t need to come down. Try to leave us out of it was the message I got was the jist of my support.

I had no idea how to implement and track and reward 9 different kids with 9 different plans with 9 different scales of tracking. I hadn’t really looked that closely at it which is what got me in hot water. I took full responsibility but I felt some of it was due to lack of support.

Yes I had tons of teaching experience but no clue how to teach emotional disturbed children.

I had no curriculum and was floundering at pulling lessons out of my ass trying to figure out how to address their needs and my ability to teach their different levels with support and also challenging those that needed it. I didn’t know them enough to figure it out yet.

In a resource setting, the kiddos are pretty much on the same level and you don’t have to differentiate too much. I was given science, behavior skills, math, English, and social studies to teach all in one class period. When I brought this up to admin, he suggested I use my skills to differentiate the instruction. I wanted to kick my shoe up his ass and pull it out his nose. I told him so a few days later when I calmed down and told him that’s not how differentiation works. He shrugged and said I’d figure it out and I kinda did.

It took a lot of just figuring out the teaching let alone the kids.

Each of my kiddos I could keep a diary on with their antics of good and bad and humors things. For now I choose to keep it in my heart and mind for myself. But I’ll share bits.

My spta and I are paired perfectly. I could not have asked for a better partner. He is mellow. Doesn’t yell. Is positive. Keeps me positive and is just all in all is a great person. He’s a great person in a fight too.

In the beginning, up through the first half of the year there were continuous fights in my room. Usually starting with verbal aggression and attention seeking behavior. We are not allowed to put hands on kids for the most part and when we do it is considered a restraint.

When kids go at each other, we insert ourselves between them to keep them from getting to each other. We look like basketball players playing defense. The kids will push against us. Shove us. Throw things. Books. Backpacks. Water bottles. Desks. Books. We duck and dodge. All trying to defuse the situation.

During these blow ups, we also have to think of our other students and get them out of harms way. We have to be careful that the incident occurring doesn’t trigger them. We reverse evacuate the room and they leave. If we feel we can’t handle the situation or it becomes too much we call for backup.

A month ago. Maybe longer now one of my darlings withdrew. The dynamics shifted in my class with a lot of the kids but not all. A couple of my kiddos needed extra help and support from doctors and were out of school.

I was still trying to figure out my kiddos and how to help them.

I was almost asleep one night. To the point that I was almost dreaming, maybe I was dreaming. The thought came to me. These kids need to paint.

I got out of bed. Loaded all my canvases I got for Christmas and all my paint and brushes.

I wanted them to do a self portrait.

I didn’t know it, but I started something that I never expected.

My background is also an artist along with being a teacher and writer. I’ve never thought of bringing art into the classroom.

The kids responded in an amazing way. They did not do portraits but did paintings that identified their emotions. I was intrigued.

I thought it would be a one time thing. I was wrong.

Again. I had a thought.

The kids asked to paint again. I was out of canvas but had a lot of watercolor paper. My friend had watercolor kits and donated them to my kiddos.

The task of painting was to paint an emotion they were feeling or wanted to express.

I turned them loose.

The result was incredible and overwhelming.

I had to do more.

We started doing art therapy for social skills. They responded. Emotions were coming down in the classroom. Kids talked openly about how they felt about things. Each painting they did. They were required to talk about it or write about the emotion they identified. Again, incredible and overwhelming.

Over spring break I had a notion. I have been trying to get an art show for my work. Then I realized I had an art show. My kids had a show that needed to be seen. I asked if I could do it and it was a big YES!

I wanted to get the kids excited. I sent them a letter over spring break that there was a surprise about their art when they returned.

I bought them all their own watercolors with more color choices. Their own new brushes. A mini canvas. A water can. I wrapped each thing and put it in a gift bag on their desks awaiting their arrival.

They were very happy to see them. Their faces lit up. I included a formal letter inviting them to submit their art to a show as an artist. I signed it AMT Art Committee. they were so excited.

I gave them a speech about how they were artists and more than their disabilities. They have proven that. I told them I believed in their art and communication through art and it needed to be seen. They were excited.

They have been working hard. I’m inviting everyone in the Las Vegas community to celebrate these kids.

Their journey has been my journey. My passion for art has become a power for change. The art therapy has overwhelming empowered these kids to feel they have something special. Which they do.

They taught me to trust. I trusted my instinct. I know art helps me. I hoped it would help them. I had no idea it would crack their world open.

I can’t wait for people to see what they’ve achieved.