A Monk and a Sped Teacher Don’t Walk Into a Bar

The second day back to school I was served a notice of an investigatory meeting. I was to answer for not following a students behavior intervention plan or BIP.

I knew something was up but didn’t think THAT was it. I had been asked before winter break to provide data and it was not the correct data. I could feel the whispers. I had actually been scolded my facilitator who I had helped train as a baby teacher. It was interesting.

Before I left for break. I realized what I had done wrong with the data collection and started a course correction. I created a BIP spreadsheet. I created a data tracking sheet for each kiddo. I created a schedule for when to track each student, the day, the period , and minutes. I knew what I needed to do now. I did ALL this. Then was given my meeting notice. lol.

Over the break. I was informed they were reworking my classroom and giving me a new curriculum. I welcomed the classroom change but voiced my exception to my curriculum. I said multiple times I needed help and guidance with behaviors and curriculum. I know how to teach. Just need some direction with behaviors.

I came back. They gave me a great new behavior chart. I love it. I wish someone had done that in the beginning of the year. They rearranged my room. Took some desks and my bean bags. Cool. It works.

It was stressful coming back implementing this with the kids. They revolted. They were kicking and screaming and eloping from the room. It was a shit show. But I stuck with it. And after being screamed at by a little girl I got my investigation notice.

It was the first time i thought about drinking. But it was just a passing thought.

I was furious. Steamed. I called my union rep. And just stewed.

I bitched and moaned. Cried and complained. Made excuses. Just whinged.

I could hardly sleep. I tried to tell myself that there’s nothing I can do but move forward. I made steps to course correct and I was doing my best. But anger and bitterness and resentment kept brewing.

The night before the meeting I woke up at 2am. I started reading my book about these monks taking three steps and one bow along the coast of California on the highways, through the cities, through the country for two years.

I read for hours. Reading their journey. Reading how they were seeking enlightenment. Letting go of their egos. Choosing to let go of self. Choosing happiness. Not judging. Look at yourself before you look at others. Send out good vibes get good back. It filled me with light.

I was smiling. I realized this is just one moment. It doesn’t define me. In fact this has made me grow. I realized I’m going back to school to get my art endorsement to be an art teacher and finish my career in a field I have passion for.

I didn’t want to put the book down. But I felt I needed to bow.

I did 21 bows. Chanted the CBK. Then meditated. I could see a white light surround me. My heart was warm. My belly was warm. All I could do was smile.

I haven’t stopped smiling.

I let go of my anger. Resentment. Bitterness. Fear. Longing. Jealously. I let it go. I didn’t need it. It served no purpose but to dampen my light. How low my glow has been. But my light is shining to the heavens now.

My meeting seemed to have gone well according to my rep. They have 20 days to discipline me but whatever happens. I’m okay. I’m okay.

I have been bowing every day. Even with my broken toes. I’m feeling great.

Those words from the monks guided me in the dark when i needed it.

I feel a great peace. A great love of self. A mindfulness to speak thoughtfully.

I am so grateful for the adversity so I have a chance to grow.