I’ve been in this program since August. The first week was interesting. I’ll write about that another time. But what I want to write about is the hardship that comes with a self contained classroom.
When I took this position, they told me. Do what you need to do, just try not to call us down to your room. I have for the most part done that. But lately my room has popped off.
My student D has been extremely helpful in spinning the class up. He walks in the class and hollers out , “What up mother fuckers?!” and when I ask him to use appropriate language he sometime will tell me to fuck off or will just say oh okay.
The temperture in the room is running hot these days. If I can keep them occupied, they see m to do okay. If it is above their grade level even with one on one help, the have this learned helplessness that they can’t overcome and they acting out.
The other day they started making farting noises. I politely asked them to stop. They stopped for a second, but them they started letting them rip and they were a jumble of laughter. Not just giggles but loud raucous laughter that is unnecessary.
I knew this was a battle I could not win and decided to just let them get it out of their system. It eventually did and they did not earn their rewards for the end of the period. D who seems to be the ring leader in all the instances just said, “whatever the fuck, we weren’t doing anything. Why you gotta be a bitch?” LOL
I have another student who doesn’t do well with the noise and has a savior complex. He gets extremely aggravated when noise level is too much for him and the farting was too much. So he took it upon himself to actually go fart on the kids who were making the farting noises. It did shut them up for a minute. It actually made one of kids barf. Then ask to be excused to see a preferred adult.
C is a very nice student. He’s very sweet. He always folds blankets at the end of the day. Lets me know when the kids are on inappropriate sites. He helps other students. But when he is mad, he is mad. He told BH while they were arguing, “that’s why your momma is 6 feet under in a hole in a ground.” BH’s mom passed away last year. These two go at it all day.
C had enough today. I tried strategies to keep him calm. A time out in the hallway. Letting him listen to music while he worked. An alternate seat. He just eventual popped of with, “Yeah, I’m just gonna shoot you all with an AK47.” YIKES.
In Vegas, we just had an active shooter at UNLV and we always take these things serious. But with our kids they just tend to say these things. Yesterday, I didn’t see it. C hit BH according to the rest of the classroom. I contacted C’s guardian. He asked me, “can I just mummify him and roll him into your classroom?” It made me laugh. I told him, if only you do it to the other students and make sure the mouths are covered we are good.
A few weeks ago, I had a chair thrown at me. I almost got jabbed with a pencil. I have separated several fights in my classroom.
I feel my supervisor doesn’t understand exactly what goes on in my classroom. The kids and how they run hot and cold.
Like, how do you recover going over a physics science lesson after D tells you to suck a big black cock? it kinda disrupts the flow of the day. The kids are a mess and you’ve got to bring down the temperature in the room.
I got a talking to about showing to many movies and not having my grades posted. There have been “complaints”. I’m just figuring this shit out. I’m really trying not to give a fuck but it still stings.
Managing kids who need constant management is tiring and rewarding.
My hero Michelle, made it look so easy. I wish I could talk to her.
To top it off right now, I had a bipolar episode. I was not at my best and needed time off. It did not come at a great time as I had important business to attend to.
I feel like I’m not being supported. When I started, the message was, Do What You Got To DO. Now it’s “Hey, we got problems with how you’re handling things.”
People do realize, NOBODY WANTS THIS FUCKING JOB!
I don’t truly know why I even signed up for it. I did feel a refresh for teach the first half of the year. But right now, I feel a huge teacher burn out. I feel that there is a lot of things that are not being communicated to me that are expected of me that I didn’t know were my responsibilities.
Coming off a severe depression, I guess I still feel sorry for myself a bit. I’m still trying to make it through the day. I have a great amount of patience. It takes a lot to rattle me. I’m just reaching the end of my patience at this point. I feel the difference I was making and the rapports I was starting to build aren’t making a difference.
I feel weak and under appreciated. I’m in a new program which comes with a host of new problems and concerns. I have a well meaning admin that gives me her perspective, but she was a math teacher and doesnt know special ed. She has not spent a day in my classroom.
I know I have growth to accomplish. I know I have a lot to learn. I look forward to the challenge. I just wish it wouldn’t be so painful.
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