Almost…

It’s always the days sneaking up to the time that are trickiest.

It’s been almost a year without you and a knife in the heart every Saturday when my google meet reminds me to open the meet. Sometimes I’m up at midnight and I log in and just sit there. I sit there staring at myself knowing I’ll never see your face again.

Dude! WTF!

I really do hope you had the ideal last day of your life like I keep playing it out in my head as everybody told me but I added that you watched pornhub and got one off before you left this world. That’s the ideal day but I know that not true. You probably crossed checked an article for facts to report to me to educate me on world peace. Lol

Today. For some fucking reason you resonated to every fiber of my being Robin. Bob Ross. You reverberated in my molecules demolishing my paintings interfering with my slouchy artsy vibe and ghetto fab self. Lol

J got in the pool naked three times today knowing and hearing your voice of “Jesus!” And laughing at me. I’m not even inebriated but just the thought of hearing you laugh at my antics made me laugh then sob to myself while the dogs watched my angelic ass float around the pool.

Today. Why today?! I don’t fucking know but I’m wrecked. It’s been almost a year and I can’t cleave you from my soul.

You are my brother. My best friend and this year has been hard as fuck without you. K know I would have let you down but I’m adrift without you Robin.

Seriously. You suck ass for checking out so early. Making me have to come up with single Halloween costumes. Wtf?! What is Halloween without a couple of bffs.?!

I know you would want me to go into this school year clear. Well. I’ll try.

Oh. And you WOULD HAVE FUCKING LOVE NC! Jesus! I can practically hear you in my ear with your whoowoo bullshit. But you would have kept me honest. Honest is what’s missing. My compass.

My north

You fucker.

You and I were just planning for next years costumes and next weeks reviews. I still haven’t watched that movie in the cue. I don’t know that I ever will.

But the Dog Rating system lives on! You’d be proud of me. I added guests. I’m not fancy with the dogs like you. I went back to just the white dog. But I’m carrying on. I’m trying. It’s hard. But I blabber loud and long to anyone who will listen to how to rate a movie. Note. They will forever think of dogs and know that Uncut Gems is the fucking worst movie ever fucking viewed by us. It’s just fucking terrible. I can see whoever this is out there reading this bug you’re wrong. It’s a piece of shit. 5DOGS!!!

Ok. Now that I got all that all out of my system…

I fucking love you. We were just soul mates of a different kind. I loved our muddy cabin time. I loved our sunny hiking day that killed me but you encouraged me and I wanted to kill you till I cried and I loved you. and you let me cry in the truck and just said ok. You good?! Like that’s enough feeling sorry for yourself. I just loved the way you could subtly change the direction of a conversation of the energy of an entire room.

The presence you had in front of your students. I was honored to watch that happen. I saw the slight of hand magic you created. You built long lasting gut relationships with students. They fucking love you and miss you. And you fucking teach math. Ewe!!!

But you were a rockstar in the classroom. Together we were like a comedy show. But I at least got your papers graded and I learned about VD. Y

Jimmy and the jolly rancher!

Damn he had those white pants and you shook your head every day he wore them. How did he keep them so clean every damn day!!!

I’m hurting like a motherfucker with a hot poker in my chest for the loss I feel for you today.

But…I’ll smile when I see my reminder for Rick and Marie’s movie review that is set to repeat from now until google is obsolete. which may happen. You never know.

Dude. I fucking love and miss you. Don’t fuck up my next year. I’m leaving this with you. Or trying to. Gonna take sec. But leave your drama with yo mama. Ugh.

My pain is searing. But I know it will wash over. Maybe stabbing my eyes with uncut gems will do the trick.

All wrapped up?! I miss my bff. Robin. Boss ross. Love you. See you Saturday at midnight.