Fluidity of Emotions

So I have a pseudo boyfriend. We see each other but aren’t dating so to speak. My kids and friends all call him my boyfriend and I’m quick to correct them that he’s not my boyfriend.

We just have this continuous weekend fling that’s been going on for over a year with some messy drama inbetween but resolvable.

I’ve never met someone who I just completely enjoy spending my time with. We click. Movies. Music. Talking. But…relationship?! It’s a no go. We just can’t quite swing it.

I think if we just think this is just a weekend delight then it’s a doable thing.

Most of the things NC and I do is not talk during the week but we have been more lately. It’s an odd thing to be honest. I had made peace to not have contact during the week. But then I get a random text and I get a small endorphin high.

I don’t know that it’s love. My bipolar makes me feel like it’s love. I feel like it’s love. I’m not a snuggler. But he’s turned me into one. He’s turned me into enjoying intimate moments.

The sex is great. I don’t know that I’ve bonded with anyone kissing and in a sexual way in a very long time or if ever in the way we do. It’s so free and open. And safe.

I know there is an expiration date on this pseudo boyfriend. It won’t last forever. I’ll fill my weekends while I can. Take the snuggles. Kisses. Dances in the kitchen. And fireside chats. In a blink of an eye. It will all end.

Life moves on when we least expect it to. One of us will out grow the other and move on. Season. Reason. Life time. That’s the order of people in your life.